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808: Foiled Plans Teleplay by: Chris Schinella and
Diane Taubold
Teaser ad by: Blitzgal
TEASER
1. 1945: INTERIOR MOUNTAIN RESORT - SWISS ALPS
- DINING AREA Mel and Janice are sitting with Clive Thomas
of British Intelligence in front of a bay window overlooking the slopes.
There are drinks in front of them.
Mel is quietly listening.
Janice is lighting a cigar and scrutinizing the man seated
opposite her.
JANICE
So, something’s turned up missing in London...
(beat)
Would you mind elaborating a little on that, and tell me what that’s got to do with us?
CLIVE THOMAS
Well, as I was trying to tell you on the slopes, Doctor Covington, it has to do with the scrolls you and Miss Pappas discovered last year in Ireland.
MEL
One of them has shown up missing?
CLIVE THOMAS
No, actually...
(hesitates)
Well you see... it seems others were found recently, quite by accident... in England.
Mel and Janice exchange a questioning look.
CLIVE THOMAS
The curator of the London Museum thinks the battling bard of Poteidea may have written them.
MEL Oh, my!
CLIVE THOMAS
Unfortunately, as you both are the only known experts in...
JANICE Let me guess. He wants us to authenticate them.
THOMAS
Yes, exactly...
A tense silence falls between the three as Janice leans back in her seat and crosses her legs.
She stares Thomas in the eye.
JANICE Tell me something, Mister Thomas... Do I look like I just fell off the banana boat?
CLIVE THOMAS I beg your pardon, Doctor Covington?
JANICE The British Museum isn’t going to hire someone from British Intelligence to track us down just to tell us they need a few scrolls authenticated.
(beat)
Especially after our disagreement regarding the translation from the book of Ptah. I’m sure that both the Brits, and the U.S. State department aren’t exactly thrilled with us.
(beat)
As a matter of fact, I’d say it’s safe to wager they’d like nothing better than to see us shot for treason.
(beat)
So, you’re either here to arrest us... OR something in those scrolls is a threat to national security.
(leans back in her seat)
So. Which is it?
Mel, eyes wide, looks from Janice to Thomas and back to Janice.
Janice sits coolly eyeing Thomas, who begins to fidget with the toothpick in the olive of his martini.
Mel turns to Thomas, arms folded in front of her chest.
MEL
She’s absolutely right, sir.
(beat)
Just exactly what is goin’ on here!?
CLIVE THOMAS Yes... well... you’re quite right. Our governments were quite upset by the little escapade you ladies pulled with the translation from the book of Ptah.
(beat - leans in conspiratorially)
You’re also quite right about this being a matter of national security.
JANICE HA! I thought as much!
She stamps her cigar out in the ashtray and roughly whispers just loud enough for him to hear...
JANICE
Fat chance in hell, Thomas!
THOMAS Doctor Covington... Doctor Pappas... Ladies, please ...
Mel gets to her feet and takes Janice by the arm, tilting her head several times in a beckoning manner to get her up.
She glances down at Thomas and smiles as she yanks Janice from her seat.
MEL Excuse us for just a little minute...
She pulls her several feet away from the table, smiling sheepishly at Thomas as she does.
Clive Thomas is a bit confused as they leave, but says nothing.
JANICE What’s wrong with you!? They’ll lock us up and throw away the key!
MEL Now, just hold on, Janice, honey... Think back for just a minute here. Remember the scrolls we found in Ireland mentioned something about an island...
A moment of silence falls between them. They both glance toward Thomas. Mel smiles and waves. Janice pokes her.
Mel turns her attention back to Janice.
JANICE Yeah? So?
MEL One of the scrolls we found in Ares’s tomb also mentioned something about an island... and the strange effects the water had on Xena!
JANICE So you’re saying...
MEL I’m sayin’ that for the U.S. State Department and British Intelligence to go through all this trouble to get us to authenticate a couple of scrolls... And Mister Thomas’ admission that this is a mattah of national security...
Mel glances at Thomas again, smiles and waves.
Janice does likewise, a look of confusion still etched on her face.
Then suddenly she turns to Mel.
JANICE It’s not just any old scroll that’s missing... it’s a scroll that has a map to...
MEL The Fountain of Youth!
(beat)
An’ more’n likely... the Nazi’s are after it!
Janice nods, and turns to Thomas,
who is watching both women with interest and suspicion.
JANICE We’ve got to get our hands on that map!
MEL An’ find it before any of them do!
DISSOLVE TO: END TEASER
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