The following episode written for The Xena Warrior Princess Virtual Season is a work of fiction based upon the television series Xena: Warrior Princess. The original characters are used strictly for fan purposes and not for profit. There is no intent to infringe upon or violate any copyrights held by Studio USA, Renaissance Pictures, Universal Television or any other organization that owns the rights to this series.

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Xena Warrior Princess Virtual Season

Episode 8.8: Foiled Plans

Teleplay by: MacavityCat and Talice

Written by: MacavityCat and Talice

Illustrated by: Gina

Beta Read by:

TEASER

1. 1945: INTERIOR MOUNTAIN RESORT - SWISS ALPS

Dining area. Mel and Janice are sitting with Clive Thomas of British Intelligence in front of a bay window overlooking the slopes. There are drinks in front of them. Mel is quietly listening. Janice is lighting a cigar and scrutinizing the man seated opposite her.

So, something’s turned up missing in London...

Would you mind elaborating a little on that, and tell me what that’s got to do with us?

Well, as I was trying to tell you on the slopes, Doctor Covington, it has to do with the scrolls you and Miss Pappas discovered last year in Ireland.

One of them has shown up missing?

No, actually...

Well you see... it seems others were found recently, quite by accident... in England.

Mel and Janice exchange a questioning look.

The curator of the London Museum thinks the battling bard of Poteidea may have written them.

Oh, my!

Unfortunately, as you both are the only known experts in...

Let me guess. He wants us to authenticate them.

Yes, exactly...

A tense silence falls between the three as Janice leans back in her seat and crosses her legs. She stares Thomas in the eye.

Tell me something, Mister Thomas... Do I look like I just fell off the banana boat?

I beg your pardon, Doctor Covington?

The British Museum isn’t going to hire someone from British Intelligence to track us down just to tell us they need a few scrolls authenticated.

Especially after our disagreement regarding the translation from the book of Ptah. I’m sure that both the Brits, and the U.S. State department aren’t exactly thrilled with us.

As a matter of fact, I’d say it’s safe to wager they’d like nothing better than to see us shot for treason.

So, you’re either here to arrest us... OR something in those scrolls is a threat to national security.

So. Which is it?

Mel, eyes wide, looks from Janice to Thomas and back to Janice.

Janice sits coolly eyeing Thomas, who begins to fidget with the toothpick in the olive of his martini.

Mel turns to Thomas, arms folded in front of her chest.

She’s absolutely right, sir.

Just exactly what’s goin’ on here!?

Yes... well... you’re quite right. Our governments were quite upset by the little escapade you ladies pulled with the translation from the book of Ptah.

You’re also quite right about this being a matter of national security.

HA! I thought as much!

She stamps her cigar out in the ashtray and roughly whispers just loud enough for him to hear...

Fat chance in hell, Thomas!

Doctor Covington... Doctor Pappas... Ladies, please ...

Mel gets to her feet and takes Janice by the arm, tilting her head several times in a beckoning manner to get her up. She glances down at Thomas and smiles as she yanks Janice from her seat.

Excuse us for just a little minute...

She pulls her several feet away from the table, smiling sheepishly at Thomas as she does.

Clive Thomas is a bit confused as they leave, but says nothing.

What’s wrong with you!? They’ll lock us up and throw away the key!

Now, just hold on, Janice, honey... Think back for just a minute here. Remember the scrolls we found in Ireland mentioned something about an island...

A moment of silence falls between them. They both glance toward Thomas. Mel smiles and waves. Janice pokes her. Mel turns her attention back to Janice.

Yeah? So?

One of the scrolls we found in Ares’s tomb also mentioned something about an island... and the strange effects the water had on Xena!

So you’re saying...

I’m sayin’ that for the U.S. State Department and British Intelligence to go through all this trouble to get us to authenticate a couple of scrolls... And Mister Thomas’ admission that this is a mattah of national security...

Mel glances at Thomas again, smiles and waves. Janice does likewise, a look of confusion still etched on her face. Then suddenly she turns to Mel.

It’s not just any old scroll that’s missing... it’s a scroll that has a map to...

The Fountain of Youth!

An’ more’n likely... the Nazi’s are after it!

Janice nods, and turns to Thomas, who is watching both women with interest and suspicion.

We’ve got to get our hands on that map!

An’ find it before any of them do!

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