ACT I

7. INT. BORDELLO – DAY

All of the customers and working girls turn briefly to look at Joxer, and then immediately returned their attention to what they were doing. Only Meg seems to be excited to see him. Joxer walks over towards the bar, and trying to be smooth, he leans against it and faces Meg.

JOXER

How ya doing beautiful?

Meg

(smiling)

I’m ok.

(beat)

Can I get you a drink?

JOXER

Sure thing.

Meg walks down to the other end of the bar, and returns a few seconds later with a mug full of ale. Joxer takes a big gulp, and places the mug on the bar.

JOXER

That hits the spot.

MEG

So, how did it go? Did you find ‘em?

Joxer not being able to hide his sadness anymore, sighs, and bangs his forehead on the bar, letting his head rest on the dark wood.

JOXER

(in a whisper)

No, no I didn’t.

MEG

(confused)

I thought you wouldn’t be back until you found ‘em.

JOXER

Argo’s dead.

(looking up at Meg)

She passed on right after I left the last town.

(beat)

I burned the body, and watched the ashes blow away in the wind. I think that’s what Xena would have wanted... even though that's a strange send off for a horse.

MEG

(slapping Joxer’s arm)

Oh, don’t be so down. You have that other little horse running around out back.

JOXER

Maybe it’s a sign.

MEG

A dead horse is a sign?

JOXER

Argo just couldn’t go on. Maybe it is a sign that I should stop looking for them, too.

(beat – frustrated)

Meg, I’ve been everywhere... all over Greece. I have no idea what Ares did with Xena and Gabby. Plus, I can’t find him anywhere either.

MEG

Well, you do look worn out there, tiger.

JOXER

Maybe it's time to take a break.

(beat - sighs)

Or to move on.

 

A large bearded man leans over the bar, and tries to get Meg’s attention.

MAN

Hey Meg!

(beat)

Why don’t we go upstairs...

Meg doesn’t notice the man, and is continuing her conversation with Joxer. So, the man leans over and gives her butt a smack.

MEG

(annoyed)

What do you think you’re doing?

Meg grabs a towel from the top of the bar, and hits the man in the face with it.

MEG

Can’t you see I’m talking to someone?!

(beat)

I’ll be with you later.

JOXER

You know Meg, you deserve to be treated better than this.

MEG

Really?

JOXER

Yes, really.

(beat)

Coming back here to see you is the only thing that I’ve been looking forward to.

(beat)

I’ve been thinking about you a lot.

MEG

(confused)

How come?

JOXER

I started to think about the future.

(beat)

You know, I’ve been a warrior wandering from one adventure to the next for quite awhile. I’ve saved many lives, and defeated some of the meanest warlords, but one day you just realize that it would be nice to have a place to call home...

(beat)

...and to not wake up with your clothes full of twigs and leaves.

Joxer shakes at his clothes a little, and there is a small cloud of dust that appears followed by a few pebbles that can be heard hitting the floor. Joxer coughs from the dust.

MEG

What does that have to do with me?

(beat)

You want to live here? Because you would have to work like the girls do...

(beat)

...that, might not be too bad, you’d attract quite a few lady customers my way.

Meg gives Joxer a punch to the arm, and a little wink.

JOXER

Well, all the ladies love Joxer the Mighty. I’m sure I’d be very popular...

(beat)

Wait... that’s not what I meant!

MEG

Huh?

JOXER

Meg, I always promised that I would come and take you away from all of this, and that's what I'm going to do. I want a new life, and I want you to be a part of it.

Joxer moves in front of Meg, and gets down on one knee.

JOXER

Meg, will you marry me?

MEG
(laughs)

Joxer, you kidder, what kind of joke is this?

JOXER

No joke.

(beat)

Meg, I think you are a wonderful lady, and you make me happy. I just want a chance to do the same for you.

MEG

(shaky)

Joxer, I don’t think you want to marry me...

(beat)

I’m not exactly the marrying kind... my business... is...

JOXER

I don’t care about that. I just want us to start a new life together.

(beat)

So, what do you say?

Meg pauses and takes a long, hard look at Joxer kneeling in front of her. Her brow is wrinkled, and she is deep in thought.

MEG

(matter of fact)

Well, okay.

(beat)

Let’s do it.

JOXER

(a little surprised)

Really?

MEG

Yep.

JOXER

You know, I pictured myself doing this about a hundred times, but I never thought you’d actually say yes.

Joxer rises to his feet.

JOXER

Meg, you’ve made...

Meg interrupts his little speech with a great big bear hug, followed by a long kiss.

JOXER

Wow!

(beat)

I should have asked you a long time ago.

Meg puts her arm around Joxer’s shoulder and turns to look around. There are tables full of men drinking and flirting with the ladies. Laughter fills the room, and people seem completely oblivious to what has just taken place.

MEG

We can do it right here.

JOXER

Huh?

MEG

(with wide eyes)

We can have the wedding right here. It’ll be a huge party!

(beat)

We’ll decorate the stairs and tables with flowers and all kinds of decorations.

JOXER

Meg...

MEG

Then I can have my girls as my maids in these little pink...

(beat)

No, pink is too girly... green, that’s it green dresses…to go with the trees and the decorations…

JOXER

Meg...

MEG

We’ll have a huge band, and invite the whole town.

(beat)

It’ll be great!

JOXER

Meg!

Meg finally breaks from her thoughts, and turns to look at Joxer, who has a worried look on his face.

JOXER

I was thinking we could just kind of have a small private wedding.

MEG

Why would we want to do that?

(beat - smiling)

Weddings are party times.

Meg begins to dance around, and the guys at the bar start to cackle and whistle at her. With that, Meg stops, and gives a little bow, and turns back to Joxer.

JOXER

I just don’t want anything too big.

MEG

(confused)

Come on, why not?

JOXER

Because then I would have to invite my family...

MEG

Aw, they can’t be that bad.

JOXER

(shaking his head)

You have no idea...

CUT TO:

8. EXT. FOREST – LATE AFTERNOON

Jett is running through the woods. He is surrounded by many giant oak trees, and he does his best to maintain his speed while weaving in-between them. The leaves on the trees create a canopy that manages to block out a good portion of the sun’s rays, giving Jett the bonus cover of shadows and darkness. As he is running, the sound of snapping twigs and rustling leaves can be heard throughout the forest, as well as the sound of hooves. A man riding a black stallion is not far behind Jett. Several warriors accompany him on foot as well as two others on horseback.

MAN

(yelling)

Jett, you can’t outrun me forever!

(beat)

My men will catch you.

He turns to the two warriors on horseback on either side of him.

MAN

Search this entire forest.

(beat)

I want him found, and I want him brought back to me alive.

(beat)

No one defies CORIDAN, NO ONE.

The two men on horseback nod in agreement. Each one of them motions to several warriors, as they split up and head into the forest.

CUT TO:

9. INT. TAVERN – EVENING

Virgil pauses briefly from his tale to take a sip of water. With the break in the story, Meg has risen to finish cleaning up the tavern for the night since the rest of the customers have all gone home. Xena, Gabrielle, and Virgil are sitting around the table with only a few candles to brighten the room.

GABRIELLE

Meg, do you need a hand?

MEG

Nah, I’m just goin’ toss these plates in the kitchen.

(beat)

I’ll be right back.

XENA

So, Virgil, was it a big wedding?

VIRGIL

Yeah, Dad gave in and agreed to the big wedding.

(beat - smiling)

Although, I doubt that he had much of a choice.

(beat)

Plus, despite his original objections, he invited Uncle Jett and Jace to the wedding.

GABRIELLE

(smiling)

They were an interesting bunch, a performer, an assassin, and … Joxer.

VIRGIL

Yeah, they certainly were. Uncle Jace...

Meg returns from the kitchen with a mug of ale, and plops back down in her seat.

MEG

(annoyed)

Jace... that uncle of yours wouldn’t know good taste if it punched him in the nose.

(beat)

Trying to tell me what to do, well I showed him, I...

VIRGIL

Hang on, Mom, I’m getting to that part.

MEG
(mumbling)

Need more color here, put those flowers there...

Virgil just shoots an amused look at Meg, and then turns back to Xena and Gabrielle to continue the story.

VIRGIL

(rolling his eyes)

As you can probably guess, things didn’t exactly go smoothly. Everyone had their own opinion...

CUT TO:

10. INT. BORDELLO – MORNING

The place is just full of people running around and trying to get everything ready for the wedding.

VIRGIL

(voiceover)

A few days before the wedding, my Uncle Jace arrived...

There are decorators and cooks, and of course Meg’s girls are lending a hand. In the middle of all the commotion is Meg, directing everyone. People are carrying plants and hanging decorations, and the cooks keep coming in and out of the kitchen to have Meg taste different foods.

MEG
(pointing to the back room)

Yeah, just put those two trees in there.

Joxer emerges from an upstairs room. He lets out a yawn, and gives a little stretch, and is surprised to see what is going on downstairs. Joxer just stares in quiet observation from up above, watching people bump into each other, then he notices Meg standing on a table directing people.

JOXER

MEG!

Meg turns to look up at him, and flashes him a smile.

JOXER

(stretching out his arms)

What’s all this?

(beat)

What happened to big, but simple?

MEG

You gotta do things right.

With that, Meg is distracted once again by one of the cooks with a large platter of different meats. Joxer walks down the stairs, tripping over all of the vines and plants that decorate them. After untangling himself from the organic mess, Joxer approaches Meg. She gets down off the table, and gives him a slap on the back.

MEG

So, what do you think?

JOXER

Well, umm... it looks good, but why all the trees and plants?

MEG

I thought we’d do a forest theme.

JOXER

Then why don’t we have the wedding outside.

MEG

Because all the tables and chairs are in here.

(beat)

It would look kind of weird to move them all outside.

(beat)

So, have you heard anything from your brothers?

JOXER

Nope, not a thing.

(beat)

Hopefully they won’t show up.

MEG

(smiling)

Come on,

(beat – wrapping her arm around Joxer’s waist)

Just look at how good you turned out.

JOXER

(with a smile)

True, but Joxer the Mighty is a special case. Not everyone can be as wonderful as me.

The faint sound of music can be heard coming from outside.

MEG

Did you hear that?

JOXER

Hear what?

MEG

It sounded like dance music.

Meg heads towards the door to see what is going on outside.

JOXER

(putting his head in his hands)

Oh no... I just knew he would show up.

 

11. EXT. BORDELLO – MORNING

Joxer walks out into the street only to cringe at what he sees. The music is playing loudly as Jace comes down the street being carried on a float by four muscular men and surrounded by many dancers. All of the dancers are dressed in tight silver pants with multi-colored silk shirts, while the four men carrying the float are shirtless and have on gold sequined pants. All of the people in town have stopped what they are doing and are staring in amazement at the sight before them.

JOXER

Can't he ever not make a scene?

Jace waves to the crowd, and then stands up on the float and begins to sing.

JACE

(singing)

We are family, I’ve got all my brothers with me.
We are family, Get up everybody and sing.
We are family, I’ve got all my brothers with me.
We are family, Get up everybody and sing.

The dancers break into this elaborate dance number involving all kinds of spins and twirls resulting into the crowd breaking into a frenzy.

JACE

Hey Joxer!

(beat – points to Joxer, and continues singing)

Everyone can see we're together as we walk on by.

(beat)

And we fly just like birds of a feather, I won't tell no lie.

(beat)

All of the people around us they say, can they be that close?

(beat)

Just let me state for the record, we're giving love in a family dose.

Jace starts to dance up on his float while the crowd starts dancing in the street.

MEG

Wow Joxer! Is that your brother?

JOXER

(sighs)

Yeah, that’s Jace.

MEG

I didn’t know he was a performer.

(beat)

He’s pretty good.

JOXER

(sarcastically)

I couldn’t be prouder.

JACE

(singing)

We are family, I've got all my brothers with me.
We are family, Get up everybody and sing.

(points out at the crowd)

We are family, I've got all my brothers with me.
We are family, Get up everybody and sing.

(beat)

Living life is fun and we've just begun to get our share of the world's delights.

(beat - he throws his arms out)

High hopes we have for the future, and our goal's in sight.

(beat)

No we don't get depressed, here's what we call our golden rule.

(beat)

Have faith in you and the things you do, you won't go wrong, this is our family jewel.

(beat)

We are family...

Jett appears at the beginning of the street running full steam in Joxer’s direction. He bumps into the men holding the float causing them to lose their balance. Jace winds up doing a somersault down the float and onto the ground. Jett runs into several more people before stopping right in front of Joxer and Meg. He stops to try and catch his breath.

JACE

(dusting himself off)

Well, I never

(beat)

Jett, you ruined a perfectly good entrance, not to mention my new outfit. What is...

JETT

Just shut up!

(beat)

Joxer, you got to help me.

(beat)

He wants me dead.

FADE OUT.

END ACT I

ACT II