| ACT II
12. EXT. BORDELLO – DAY
With the ending of the music and dancing, all of the townspeople
have returned to their work minding their shops and going about everyday life. Jace’s
dancers are cleaning up the mess from the fallen float, which has caused feathers and
glitter and flowers to cover the road. Meg, Joxer, Jett, and Jace are all standing in
front of the bordello.
JACE
(still dusting himself off)
Well, that’s a change.
(beat – to Jett)
I thought you were the one that likes to go around killing people.
JETT
Hey songbird! I didn’t say that I like killing people. It just
happens to be my job.
(beat)
That’s all.
JACE
Maybe you should find a new line of work...
JETT
How about you with all the dancing and glitter.
Jett and Jace begin to argue as Joxer tries to break-up the mess.
Meg just stands there looking at the three of them, not really believing what her eyes are
seeing. Finally she focuses on Jett for a moment and begins to laugh. The three stop their
bickering and turn to look at her.
MEG
(to Jett)
Don't be silly.
(punches him in the arm)
Who'd want to kill you?
Jett looks at her for a moment and then turns to Joxer.
JETT
Who's she?
JOXER
This is Meg!
(beat - proudly)
A real beauty, that's her.
JETT
(to Meg)
What are you doing with a loser like him?
JOXER
Hey!
JACE
Wait a minute!
(to Jett)
Are these would be killers floating around near by?
JETT
Yes, you dancing freak. Why else would I be running?
JACE
Well then my moronic barbarian brother, shouldn't we be going
inside?
(beat)
So, they can’t see us.
Jace saunters off into the bordello, the others follow, Joxer
stopping Jett before they enter.
JOXER
Wait, wait, wait. Who's trying to kill you?
JETT
Coridan. I botched a job and now he wants me dead.
JOXER
Oh... wait, who's he?
JETT
No one you know little brother. No one you know.
They enter the bordello.
CUT TO:
13. INT. BORDELLO - DAY
Jace steps into the bordello and freezes, looking around in a state
of shock. Meg, seeing his reaction, walks up to him.
MEG
Great decorations, huh?
She nudges him with her elbow.
JACE
Who did this?
MEG
(proudly)
I did!
JACE
It's terrible!
MEG
Are you crazy?
JACE
(in a matter of fact voice)
It will have to be redone.
MEG
What?!
Jace begins to storm around the room, inspecting ribbons, looking in
horror at the trees, gasping at the color scheme.
JACE
No brother of mine will be married in such a garish setting!
He claps his hands and three of his dancing boys hurry over to him.
JACE
Go into town. I need you to get -
MEG
(voice over)
See! Just like I told ya!
CUT TO:
14. INT. TAVERN - EVENING
Meg is sitting at the table, looking extremely agitated at the
memory. Xena, Virgil, and Gabrielle look like they are trying very hard not to laugh.
MEG
It was a nightmare! He changed everything! Everything! My beautiful
forest, gone.
She covers her face with her hands in anguish as she remembers.
MEG
(continued)
He filled the entire place with flowers! Flowers! Can you believe
it?! I shoulda...
CUT TO:
15. INT. BORDELLO - DAY
We see Meg walk up to Jace, who is busy overseeing redecoration of
the bordello, and punches him square in the face.
CUT TO:
16. INT. TAVERN - EVENING
She looks around at the group.
MEG
(continued)
Well I didn't... but I shoulda.
She knits her brow.
MEG
(continued)
It was my wedding. Not his!
Gabrielle reaches over and squeezes Meg's hand sympathetically.
VIRGIL
Mom got so angry with him that she finally stormed out one day.
MEG
Yes I did.
(pause)
I couldn't take it anymore, so I went to have a good think.
VIRGIL
My dad, as you can probably imagine, was worried sick.
CUT TO:
17. INT. BORDELLO - DAY
Jett stands quietly beside Jace at the bar, dressed in one of Jace's
flamboyant outfits. Their outfits are almost identical and Jett looks very uncomfortable.
He keeps pulling at the feathered collar. Jace stands next to him inspecting a vase full
of flowers, rearranging them to try to get the desired effect.
In contrast to the last time we saw it, the bordello is now full of
white flowers, accented with pale blue and purple ones. Silver and pale green ribbons are
tied and wrapped around the pillars and someone can be seen working on an ice sculpture of
a heart in the background.
JACE
Stop fidgeting. You'll pull out the feathers.
JETT
I still don't see how you talked me into this.
JACE
Well, those killers would never suspect that you would be dressed so
stylishly.
(beat)
You should thank me for saving your life... and giving you a little
class.
Joxer suddenly appears and rushes up to them. He looks at Jett for a
moment and then giggles.
JOXER
You look silly.
Jett gives him a glance that could cut through stone, and Joxer
quickly stops and straightens himself.
JOXER
(continued)
Hey, have either of you seen Meg?
JETT
She left this morning.
JOXER
Where did she go?
Jett gives him a menacing, you're annoying me, look.
JETT
She didn't say.
Joxer sits down on one of the barstools and cradles his head in his
hands.
JOXER
I knew this was too good to be true! She's left me for another man!
JETT
Not that I would blame her, but
(beat)
she's probably just gotten fed up with our interior decorator
brother here.
Joxer looks up hopefully at him, glances around the bordello, and
then a smile breaks onto his face.
JOXER
Of course, because no one can withstand the charms of Joxer the
Mighty.
He leans confidentially in towards Jett.
JOXER
(continued)
I have a way with the ladies you know.
JETT
Shut up!
JOXER
Ok.
(beat)
I'll... I'll just go look for her.
He slides off the barstool and heads quickly out the door.
CUT TO:
18. EXT. WOODS - DAY
Joxer can be seen roaming around the woods, whistling his theme song
to himself.
JOXER
Meeeeg! Oh, Meeeeeggggg!
He stops and looks around despairingly.
JOXER
Maybe she's been kidnapped.
(beat)
Maybe she's been kidnapped by Coridan!
He gulps and then draws his sword, mustering courage.
JOXER
(shouting)
Never fear Meg! I'll save you!
MEG
Save me from what?
Joxer turns to find Meg standing behind him, arms crossed, with a
puzzled expression on her face.
JOXER
Meg!
He sheaths his sword and hurries over to her, a huge smile on his
face.
JOXER
(continued)
I thought you'd been kidnapped.
MEG
Don't be silly. I just needed to get away from that brother of
yours.
JOXER
Jett? He is pretty scary.
MEG
No! Jace! He's driving me crazy.
She begins to walk through the forest, Joxer following after her and
looking a bit confused.
MEG
(continued)
He's ruining everything! Have you even seen the dress he wants me to
wear?!
She stops and looks at him.
MEG
(continued)
So many feathers it makes me look like a chicken! And all those
sparkles! I -
She's cut off by a thug who suddenly appears in front of them.
THUG
Gotcha!
He draws his sword and rushes at Joxer.
VIRGIL
(voice over - full of admiration)
Thank the gods my father was such an experienced swordsman and was
able to fight him off.
Joxer tried frantically to pull his sword out and just barely misses
getting stabbed when he knocks himself off balance in his efforts and falls down.
MEG
How dare you!
Meg rushes forward and throws herself onto the thug's back, covering
his eyes with her hands and screaming.
Joxer gets onto his feet and rushes towards him, his sword raised
over his head.
JOXER
I'll save you Meg!
The thug, meanwhile, is trying to dislodge Meg who is now pulling at
his hair with one hand while she is inadvertently strangling him with her other arm. He
begins to turn in a circle, causing Meg to swing and in doing so, knocks Joxer in the side
of the head with her feet. His hat goes flying off his head as he stumbles and falls.
MEG
Why you!
She lets out another scream and then bashes her head into the back
of his, rendering the thug unconscious, but causing her to slump off his back, clutching
her forehead in pain. She staggers over to Joxer and looks down at him.
MEG
Oh my head!
(pause)
Sweetums, are you ok?
Joxer looks up at her and smiles.
JOXER
Yes please! And extra spicy!
He then passes out. Meg kicks him with her foot and his eyes pop
open.
JOXER
(continued)
Ow! What'd you do that for?!
Meg helps pull him to his feet, still rubbing her forehead with one
hand. Suddenly another thug appears.
THUG #2
Jett! I have you now!
JOXER
Jett? I'm not Jett!
THUG #2
That old trick won't fool me!
Meg turns to face him defiantly.
MEG
Do you know who I am?
THUG #2
Outta my way!
MEG
I am Xena, the warrior princess. Prepare to meet my wrath!
Alilalilalalilayiyila!
THUG #2
You're not Xena! Xena's dead!
She rushes towards him and punches him in the face as he stares at
her in disbelief, knocking him out. Happy with her result, she jumps from side to side
like a boxer, punching at the air.
MEG
Never underestimate the element of surprise!
JOXER
That's my girl!
MEG
Well, come on.
She heads off into the woods. Joxer picks his fallen hat off the
forest floor, puts it on his head, and rushes after her.
Suddenly an audible yawn is heard.
CUT TO:
19. INT. TAVERN - NIGHT
Gabrielle closes her mouth and looks at Virgil.
GABRIELLE
I’m sorry Virgil.
(beat - embarrassed)
It’s no reflection on you... or the story... it’s just
that...
VIRGIL
(smiling)
It’s been a long day. I’m sure that the two of you are
pretty tired from your journey.
Virgil looks down at the candle, and notices that it has burned
practically all the way down to the bottom.
VIRGIL
I didn’t realize it had gotten so late.
(beat)
Why don’t we all get some sleep, and I’ll tell you the
rest tomorrow. Trust me when I say it only gets better.
FADE OUT.
END ACT II
ACT
III
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